Have you ever had the thought, “There is no way I could make it through that or be as strong as her”? Sometimes, when we see others going through some of the toughest trials, we can’t imagine what they must be going through, nor do we really want to, and we think if that were to ever happen to us we wouldn’t survive it.
I’m sure we’ve all had thoughts like these one time or another, but the truth of the matter is that it’s these times when we experience strength and faith we never knew we had!
Not until recently did I come to the realization that going through some of our darkest trials, although horribly tough, are the times we feel closest to Jesus! These are the times we feel we have nothing left to give and can do nothing but call out His name. These are also the times we feel His presence like never before, and we see His greatness in a whole new way. It is during these times He brings us closer to Him, growing our faith in ways we didn’t know possible and leaving us with a peace that can only come from HIM. Faith grows in the deepest of valleys, but obviously we don’t just long to go there.
Some of the more daunting times for me are the ones where I’m not necessarily in a valley; because I cant think of any reasoning for being there. Yet, I find myself in a storm being blown this way and that, getting knocked down here and there only to get up and realize the storm still hasn’t subsided. I begin to wonder, “What is going on?” “What is wrong with me?” Being a child of God, I know that I am still connected to the Anchor that is embedded in the Rock, but my rope is frayed and fear and doubt starts to creep in. I become foggy headed, even delusional, doubting things I know to be true, and questioning things I shouldn’t question. Am I good enough to be a child of God? Does my husband love me the way he used to? Am I a good mother? Are my friends really my friends? How can I possibly disciple to others? That zeal is missing and I find myself in a funk. These are the times I feel furthest away from God. I begin to become a hermit, not wanting to get out and do the things I usually do. I become depressed and angry and for no apparent reason. Let’s just say you definitely don’t see the fruit of the spirit within me.
I begin to pray.
I realize praying is exactly what I’ve been putting on the back burner behind everything else! I start my days out with good intentions to have quiet time with God, but the pile of laundry catches my eye. I resort to doing daily household chores, running errands, scrolling through social media, making to do lists, and wasting time… only to look up and realize I never took time for Jesus! I tell myself I will tomorrow! Tomorrow I’ll get it right and I will put Him first! But that tomorrow slips away day after day, and the clouds and darkness begin to roll in…
I begin to pray and pray some more. I turn on worship music every chance I get. When I can’t think of where to start or what to pray, I just say His name. Jesus. Then I find it in me to pray a sentence, and before I know it, it’s two.
I start to feel His presence.
He’s here. He’s never left. Although my rope may have felt like it was fraying, I’m still connected to my Anchor, my Hope, and my Rock! The skies start to clear the sun begins to shine! The weight has been lifted! The doubt and fear that I know was Satan’s lies have disappeared. Yes, Jesus! You are the rock I cling to!
Thank God I am rooted in You, and You in me Jesus! Against all hope, help me hope. Against all fear, draw me near. Let me never forget that no one and nothing can remove you from me Lord. All I have to do is call your name, Jesus! In you I have everything I need! I realize I will never be perfect and there will be times I feel my rope is fraying, but my hope in You is firm and secure. You are my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation. You are my stronghold! Please forgive me for ever doubting this. Please forgive me for not waking everyday to show You my gratitude by putting you first. You have given me so much to be thankful for! I want to strive daily to be a light for You, and I know that to do this I need to stay in constant communication with You, Lord. Thank You for this reminder! In Jesus’ Name ~ Amen
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2
We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, Hebrews 6:19